I’m realizing more than ever that it’s not about me anymore. About my tastes and preferences. I was watching a show the other day, and this Lady that was running the AA meeting was saying how she doesn’t feel like she belongs, and she just wants to belong. I hear her on that. I mean my whole life it’s been about where I can fit in, where I can have something in common with someone so we can have a bond. To be honest nothing has ever made sense.

Is it to work towards a stable career, and be financially stable. Is is to have the nice clothes, beautiful women, luxury living. Is it to be a missionary, a youth pastor, a worship leader, evangelist. Man, these questions, and lost identity has haunted me my whole life. I have found lately, finally that my life is starting to make sense.

It makes sense I can’t get away with what most people get away with. Why I can’t survive just living a normal American dream life. I can’t survive in the regular church system. I can’t survive alone. I am a weak individual for real. I ‘m broken, and I can’t do anything apart from Christ. I can’t even get out of bed in the morning without him breathing his life into me first.

So now it all makes sense. I was made to express Christ on the earth. Makes sense why I don’t get the job promotion when I want it. Christ has to express himself through me where I’m currently working. If he wants me to work somewhere else it’s only to express himself there. If he wants me to go to college it is to express himself in my classes. If I become wealthy it is for him being revealed somehow. So refreshing when you finally get that! That Jesus Christ would be revealed on the earth. That he would have a place to call home on the earth. That our life’s are not our own, but for him to be displayed to all. What a great honor. What a purpose my life now serves.

I finally understand what my life is for, and it’s him. Finally, I belong!

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