I have been apart of body life now for quite some time, and I have experienced my fair share of the death of the cross. It is very painful to do dealings with the Lord. To pick up your cross daily and deny yourself. I have found how beautiful it can be to do it as well. The aroma of the life that is produced is absolutely incredible. I found the kindness of Lord and his faithfulness every time I go through another cross. More recently I found myself going through a lot of pain, and it was very hard to bare. To be honest with you it still is. In my past I have had things said to me that no one should have ever had said to them. I have had things done to me that no one should ever have to experience. So I’m finding something absolutely incredible right now in my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ. It’s okay to be in pain. It’s okay to be honest that some things really hurt my feelings. There are things that are said to me and they are not the Lord, but never the less it still affects me very deeply. I just came to this reality today that it’s alright to just be hurt. Not to try to comfort myself with the future or what could be. Not trying to make excuses why I was treated the way I was in the past. Not trying to see the Lord as frustrated with me, but to really know it’s okay to be in pain. Right here right now it’s okay to feel hurt. The Lord was treated like no one should have to be treated, even by his own denied, so I find comfort that he really knows what I’m going through and he is there for me %100. I love the Lord so much and he truly is my best friend.