So Christmas of course you find I’m going to blog about Christmas. I’ve been reading everyone’s blogs lately about how they despise Christmas and why do we celebrate only when day focused on Christ. I found it kind of funny to be honest with you. I freaking love Christmas everything about it from the over kill sugar cookies to the hot cocoa I can’t drink because I’ll get sick. I’m finding before Christmas was coming up I was tormented because I was afraid of the Holiday’s. See my blood family is in Denver, CO and for the past since I can remember Christmas it’s always fighting filled with a little bit of loneliness. I think it’s funny how euphoric our thinking of the past is when if you really sit down and think about it, nothing has changed just the fact that I’m an adult now and I can’t take the pain anymore. So to my point. This year I opened my presents up early after taking 30 minutes to set up a tree (awesome tree at least lol). I couldn’t wait tell Christmas, and the gifts I got from my family I opened up early because they couldn’t see me do it hehe! At first I didn’t get why I opened up my gifts so early because I have never done it before.I found my self a little disappointed Friday on Christmas eve knowing I didn’t have any gifts to open up on Christmas morning. Then when I woke up to my surprise all I wanted was the Lord. One thing that has been on my heart lately for this holiday is I didn’t want it to be about me, or my past, or my family, or even the sweet gifts that I love so much, but I wanted it to be about the Lord. So that’s what I did I sang some songs and started reading my bible. Only to unlock a piece of the Lord. Then I realized something. You know how you get excited the night before christmas to open a gift, you can be that way every night. You can open up the Lord Jesus Christ every morning for real. He’s the gift that keeps on giving. I recently found myself frustrated because girls in the world would hit on my just because I was turning the Lord but in their minds I was playing hard to get. The frustrating part wasn’t that they were hitting on me it was the fact that I couldn’t hit on them back. It’s been like that for years now. Then I found myself in a dialogue with the Lord. And I realized for the first time it was him inside of me that didn’t want to hit on the girls. I thought it was this religious funk in the past and I fought that feeling because I quote on quote was just trying to be me. But in reality I was denying the Lord for real, I was running away from my first love, from Christ, from the person who lives in me.It’s funny because a couple years ago my family told me because I was moving so much that I was running away from myself, but I have finally realized I never was, I was actually trying to run away from Christ that’s right inside of me how dumb if you think about it. You can’t run from him he’s in you. That’s why Paul said no longer I but Christ in me. I find it easier to my mind that everyday I get to open up the gift of the Lord Jesus Christ in me, and I believe the more we come to terms with that and quit fighting it the more freedom we will find, that we as the Bride of Christ never have to be disappointed because we don’t have any gifts to open up under the Christmas Tree. Merry Christmas Saints turn to the Lord it’s Free!!!

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